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|Zoo Admin Forums > Random Insanity > Ways To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity|
|Posted by: winaniw Jan 2 2003, 06:02 PM|
| Ways To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
(add your own!!!)
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
7. Dont use any punctuation marks
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
13. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
14. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. ( or whatever. )
15. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won! 3rd time this week!!!!"
17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
18. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
19. Wear different-color socks on each foot.
20. If anyone asks you why you're doing these things, answer, "Why not?"
|Posted by: Snicklfritz Jan 2 2003, 07:10 PM|
| *(Arrives with his Harlequin cavalry and addresses his men:)
Snicklfritz: How bout it men shall we speaketh' what we did yestermorn?
Harlequin Cavaleers:" AYYYYYEEEEE!!! Hail lord winnawiw for thy post on insanity!!!!!!"
"next time your in a mall, try to locate the information booth, go there and ask "Can You please tell me where to find another information booth?"
(then walk off politely after 5 minutes of silence and dumbfounded look on the Infobooth staff)
"Start a "save the planet " cause entitled "Conserve Gravity Now!!!!"
"Stare at the sky in a crowded place for a few minutes and see after how many people joined you........
"Order in a Mcdonalds store "I'll have a cheeseburger without the cheese and a hamburger with cheese"
|Posted by: CandyCane101 Jan 2 2003, 07:54 PM|
| Go to a grocery store and get on the intercom and say code 4 and see what happens!!
Sry thats all i can think of
|Posted by: beefsteak Jan 2 2003, 08:06 PM|
|Ok what is this "in accordance with the prophecy" thing? There were two people in one of my classes that kept saying that. What does it mean or where did it come from?|
|Posted by: katt Jan 2 2003, 10:12 PM|
| At work I have stood in a cubie with 4 other employees in a group hug singing Kumbya.
|Posted by: Rolarin Jan 2 2003, 10:49 PM|
| here is one kinda like that
34 WAYS TO ENTERTAIN YOURSELF AT THE MALL WHEN YOU'RE BROKE
1 Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond
2 Go to Radio Shack and shriek at the computers saying "OPEN THE BOMB BAY DOORS, HAL!!!!
3 stand in a bathroom stall and yell, "GUARD?! I WANT TO SEE MY LAWYER!!!"
4 Run up the escalators in the wrong direction. Yell at any one in your way that you have a plane to catch.
5 Go to all the music stores and ask if they have "No Doubt" on 8 track. When they say no, throw a temper tantrum.
6 Go to the pet store and ask if you can hold one of the puppiers. Hold the puppy in one hand as if you are esitmating it's weight. Then ask," do you think he'd feed four? or should i get another?
7 Stand at the condiment station at one of the fast food places and growl loudly when anyone approaches
8 Grab some Ketchup packs from a fast food place and suck on them. When someone notices, hold the pack up proudly and announce," It's astronaut food!"
9Ask mall cops for stories from world War 1
10 Ask a salesman why a particular Tv is labeled black and white, and insist that is a color set. When he disagrees, say You mean you really can't see it?
11. Constuct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears
12 Wear pancake makeup and new cloths and pose as a fashion dummy in a cloths depart, occasionally screaming without warning
13 Test mattresses in Pajamas
14 Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels ( i didn't understand this one)
15 If you're patient, stare into a surveillance camer for an hour while rocking side to side
16Take your landry to Sears and place it in one of the washer machins on sale. Then drag a lawn chair over to the electronics department and watch TV while you wait for the spin cycle
17 Ask appliance personnel if they have any TV's that play only in spanish
18 Ask a salesperson how well a particular saw cuts through bone
19 At a pet store ask if they have a bulk discount of gerbils, and whether there is much meat on them
My fingures are tired, i'll post the rest tomorrow
|Posted by: fisherman1313 Jan 2 2003, 11:53 PM|
| How 'bout these?
Go to Jack-in-the-box and order two slices of cheese. When they tell you you can't order just cheese, point out where it says, "cheese 20 cents" on the menu. Or, ask for a small order of fries. When they tell you they only have large and medium, explain to them that they can not possibly have medium w/o small. You can argue for HOURS (I know, I've done it).
Walk up to a drive-thru and explain that your car is in the shop.
Go into a public restroom, go to the urinal or into a stall and yell (at the top of your lungs) "Oh God, it burns, it burns!"
Go to the grocery store, completely fill a shopping-cart, find a long line with someone near the front with only 1-2 items, ask if you can cut in front of them.
At the mall at X-mas time:When you walk to your car, if someone follows you, looking for a parking spot, pick an ais le at random (preferably several rows from your car), go to a car in the first-second spot, pretend to seach for your keys, "find" them and start to open the door, pause, look around confused, smack your forehead with the palm of your hand, look at the person waiting for the spot, smile, shug and say "Sorry", then wander off.
I heard this one from a stand-up comic:When you get pulled over;before the cop can get out of his car, put in a tape of the theme from "The Twilight Zone" and crank the radio, jump into the passenger seat and when the cop gets to the drivers window say, "I don't officer, he was here a minute ago!"
Go to any fast-food resteraunt with a group (at least four other peple), order
five (or however many are in your group) hamburgers, five orders of fries, five large drinks and five deserts, turn to your freinds and ask what they are having.
|Posted by: Smartalec Jan 3 2003, 09:45 AM|
|wear discarded computer mice on your head and when anyone asks start squeaking!|
|Posted by: Zooey Jan 3 2003, 12:04 PM|
Hey I own gerbils...
|Posted by: CandyCane101 Jan 3 2003, 12:05 PM|
|Zooey SO DO I lol i had 2 but one died cause the other stole its food|
|Posted by: James 24 Jan 3 2003, 12:18 PM|
| , these are so funny ,
I have a few
1, Wear all your clothes backwards?
2, Shout fire in the middle of the beach
3, By a air filled chair and bring it to work or shcool
|Posted by: Zooey Jan 3 2003, 12:21 PM|
| You really shouldn't have one gerby itself, they get really depressed
Sorry, better get back to topic
|Posted by: CandyCane101 Jan 3 2003, 12:25 PM|
|ya but i play with him every day and he has a HUMONGOUS tube thingy!! with 2 exhibits attached to it so he never gets bored lol|
|Posted by: Zooey Jan 3 2003, 12:42 PM|
| I have nine, in the biggest Cage/hutch You've ever seen! Ok sorry, AK and Frogman, I'll stop posting!
(Thanks for the info Candy!)
|Posted by: CandyCane101 Jan 3 2003, 12:45 PM|
| lol Zooey
any way i got 1 lol
1. Go to a dollar store and buy 1 thing and start saying that its not worth a dollar and check again to make sure its a dollar and that they didnt make a mistake when looking up the price... I have done that before. they told us to leave whoops!!
|Posted by: Snicklfritz Jan 3 2003, 01:16 PM|
| *(arrives mounted on his battle steed)
once have I done this deed:
1. I had my 5 yr. old sister use the tv remote watching sesame street when she pointed the thing to lower the volume/ Mute on tv.. I stepped in the way... after that I pretended to speak by moving my lips without making a sound.... I spent the day doin that and the house was full of screams "Mommy! Mommy! I can't fix big brother!!!! I'm soorry!!! waaaaahhh!!!!
2. once my 5yr old sister asked me... She keeps following me!(she named it blakie thing) wat do I do?
I said don't worry.. she's you long lost sister! (her shadow)
3.once in a McDonald's shop ..early morning.. people all around.. I took a big bite out of a Big mac..then I pretended to clutch my head in agony with my two hands..OoooH!!! I said... store clerk asked if there's something wrong with the Big Mac? I said "I'm all right now...its just Brain Freeze!"
4.Me and My friends walking in the mall only stepping only the black tiles on the floor (the mall had black and white tiles) ..someone asked why were doing that... "we answered = mall security installed land mines"
5. we once pretended to have an argument with a barking dog....and explained '"Can't you hear it?" turn to my friend "Yeah can't you hear the dog?" (of course my friend in in on the gag!")
|Posted by: winaniw Jan 3 2003, 06:13 PM|
| Snicklfritz: It's Lady Winaniw, thank you very much.
'mall security installed land mines'....ha ha!
Beefsteak: It's not a line from a movie or anything, it's just a
serious phrase used in a comical way.
The rest of you: LOL!
|Posted by: Snicklfritz Jan 3 2003, 06:57 PM|
Pardon mine trespass me' lady...
tis be an fool's eyes shaded by anonymity that I hath made an assumption to thee.....
"To err is human... to be a fool is Battle clown"
( turns and scolds the Harlequin cavaleers and rectifies their mistake)
Harlequin Cavaleers: Hail Lady Winawiw!!!!! Pardon our Trespass!!!!!!
|Posted by: pengin Jan 3 2003, 08:01 PM|
|go to radio shack and ask them to play 68.5 FM on the Hdfuj XJ69 minisystem. When they tell you both the station and the minisystem are fake, ask them to give you a R/C Tabby CatDog for $0.4736367384763876387468973469768374693749673964798347.68|
|Posted by: winaniw Jan 3 2003, 10:19 PM|
|Snicklfritz: It's OK.|
|Posted by: fisherman1313 Jan 4 2003, 04:30 PM|
| Always refer to yourself in the third person as "The (your name)".
During conversations with friends, co-workes, family, etc. look away from the person you're talking to and narrate. When they ask who you're talking to, say, "The camera".
Go to the plumbing dept. in a hardware store, when a store employee asks if you need help, tell them you want to buy a toilet but you'd like to "take it for a test drive".
In the television dept., stare at the one that's not turned on.
Go to a sporting event and root for a team that's not playing.
Try to start "the vave" in a crowded elevator.
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jan 5 2003, 05:13 AM|
| 1. When you buy a telephone, test every phone for a dial tone. Take the first phone that has one.
2. Instead of saying "I don't know" try "Does not compute" followed by a nuclear fallout.
|Posted by: Snicklfritz Jan 5 2003, 12:09 PM|
| (arrives juggling gerbils )
once we were evil, my friends and I:
we waited untill both restrooms in the mall were empty (it was early so not many people around)....then we interchanged the signs "HE" and "SHE" (removable) atop of the door entrance..then we bolted out snickering and giggling like school girls........the next day we found out the maintenance workers laughed their heads off becuz 5 hours after our prank,..utter chaos ensued with mall goers saying which is which? ...(this tyme the nailed the signs to the walls)
I pretended to be blind by putting on shaded glasses and let my friends lead me by the hand.. we stopped at an arcade where a game machine is on the outside "King of Fighters 98'"..where someone is playing....(still pretending to be blind) I sat down beside him and challenged him to a versus match " the person turns to my friend and said "Is he serious?" (unknown to him I was a master of the "King of fighter series)..I beat him cold...he stood up dumbfounded my friend consoled him by "Its not your fault, he has excellent hearing!".... others who saw began challenging me to a versus match....my score till they found out it was a joke...
Blind guy = 16
Challengers = 0
this tyme we all pretended to be blind (all 4 of us) using umbrellas as walking canes and putting on shaded glasses.. we walked first to the cinema ticket booth and said "We were wondering if the movie is a double feature" (I can still remember the ticket salesladies face ) next we walked to the "Lingerie or Ladys underwear section" we all stopped there and took off our shades and cried "I can see!!..I can see!!!....All of the sales ladies belly laughed as they didnt expect the surprise....
(we were schoolboys then freshman college..and we had crushes on the sales ladies... and went to the mall after school ....no offense to blind guys!!)
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 5 2003, 12:28 PM|
|your all sick did you hear me SICK|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 5 2003, 02:31 PM|
| It's fun to read this.
How abut in a dollar store, get 1 thing and ask the price
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 5 2003, 03:27 PM|
| thats just like over here in Scotland we have pound shop, you know the type of thing everything is a pound (go figure!!!! )
and you still here old ladies asking the price of things..
|Posted by: winaniw Jan 5 2003, 04:03 PM|
| I have more:
Wear multiple watches on each each wrist!!!!
Use a pen as a cell phone!
To express your disgust, say: "Gag me with 20 shovels!!"
Get wash-out dye, paint your hair blue, purple, orange, or pink, and go pay a surprise visit to your mom. ( "Guess what I did Mom?" )
|Posted by: fisherman1313 Jan 5 2003, 04:06 PM|
I used to work in the parts dept. of a Toyota dealer and it's VERY annoying when a customer asks how much something costs when there is a sign right in front of them that says, in nine inch letters, "Oil Filters $5.98 plus tax".
|Posted by: Valor3 Jan 5 2003, 05:21 PM|
|Winaniw,that 'would you like fries with that' is very funny .|
|Posted by: FoxGuy Jan 5 2003, 07:38 PM|
| All my ideas come from movies so.....
Billy Madision----Talk in your on "tounge" (eg. Tally Hoo-Hoo! Scriberdy ity frabroo!)
Emporer's New Groove---- When someone says something like "If you step on that gerbil, it will die!" Simply reply...."And thatssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss bad?"
Rocketman----Whenever you do something wrong (break something, pass gas, ect.) Yell out "IT WASN'T ME!
Mission Imposible----Hire hitman to kill a dear friend that treats you like a father---Oh, wait, I guesse that isnt a "healthy level of Insanity"........uh.....*cough*....yeah.......ummmmm.......
"IT WASNT ME!"
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 9 2003, 07:04 PM|
| Yes, but in the dollar stor, it has sign everywhere saying "Everything $1"
1) go to a pet store, ask for a bunny. If the clerk asks for a color, say "I don't think my python will care..."
2)in a depot store, put the pants down of all dummies
3)call a grocery store and ask if they have Mr. Clean in a bottle, if they do say " You better let him out!"
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 10 2003, 03:11 AM|
Stop it, there totally sick but there really FUNNY
but that'll be my sick sense of humur coming through
keep the laughs up, you really make my day
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 12 2003, 08:37 AM|
| the python thing nearly got me kicked out of that store but, I was bored(and broke).
And , for an addition, how about useing a banana as a phone?
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jan 16 2003, 04:48 AM|
| For those who love carrying tons of coins around instead of dollar bills:
Go to the dollar store and pick something at random. When you are paying the cashier, fumble with your wallet, apologize, and say that you honestly can't pay, because you don't have a dollar, you only have 100 pennies.
For those with cell phones:
NOTE: Your friend must have a cell phone.
Say to your friend, "We need a moment to talk." When he agrees, stand facing him and try to call him with your cell phone. Talk to each other as you would over the phone.
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 17 2003, 05:00 PM|
| to really annoy people there are things that you can do
I. wait till its a really really busy day at the supermarket, do your weekly shop, go to the cheakout and unload, when the cashier has finished, empty a purse of change into your hand and start counting out change. SLOWLY. if anyone starts huffing or saying anything, turn and look at them and say "gee thanks now you make me lose count... the reaction is unforgetable..
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jan 17 2003, 05:51 PM|
|Try using a giant chocolate bar for the keyboard.|
|Posted by: Penguino Jan 19 2003, 01:07 AM|
| From Candid Camera:
Go on strike and demonstrate for having too much pay
If you don't want to risk your pay being lowered, demonstrate silently and with empty placards. Convince passers-by to join.
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 19 2003, 05:49 AM|
I think if you want on strike about too much pay they would lock you up.
when I was younger, we, me and my mates, used to do a really mean thing but it was hilarious, on a darkish night, when you see someone cycling down the street, shout "YOUR BACK WHEEL IS FOLLOWING YOUR FRONT", sounds weird, but people tend to look at there back wheel, and well, the amount of people that nearly crashed into hedges was uncountable.
I will add that I grew up in the country, hense no traffic and no Police in Cars.
another thing, get ready to run if you try it, people on bikes are a lot faster, then you think.
we found this out on many many MANY an occasion...
oooh the good old days
|Posted by: James 24 Jan 19 2003, 07:53 AM|
| Join up all you sentences to make one large sentence ,
Walk backward everywhere
I am not that funny
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jan 19 2003, 06:53 PM|
| Make a paper flag and on one side, paint the flag of a sports team that is playing in a sporting event. On the other, paint the flag of that team's opponent. Go to that sporting event. Wave your flag and make sure people see both sides.
If they ask you whether you are wacko, tell them that it's much worse, you're psycho.
|Posted by: winaniw Jan 21 2003, 04:08 PM|
|LOL Wacky Panda!|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 21 2003, 05:31 PM|
With my state of the art banana phone, you can keep a normal level of insanity!
Some assembly aquired. Needs one (1, uno un, 1!) straw, sissors ( or better, knife), a a pen (black is advisble), 2 worn-out batteries, and tape (duct, not scotch)
*******Make a phone with Seven easy steps***********
1) Carefully remove that thing that sticks that banana to the rest of the bunch
2)Make a small hole to stick straw in.
3)Stick that plastic apperatis in
4)Draw a set of buttons for the numbers
5)Make a small battery pouch
6) Stick Batteries in
7) Tape that latch down.
When nessisary, pretend to talk on the phone, but act as if you can't hear person on other end. When someone asks about the phone, open latch, and say the batteries are dead!
|Posted by: FoxGuy Jan 22 2003, 07:20 AM|
|You could start replying to a thread and suddenly just|
|Posted by: FoxGuy Jan 22 2003, 07:22 AM|
|stop and finish it in a new post|
|Posted by: Aussie Koala Jan 22 2003, 07:27 AM|
|As that is against the rules of this forum - you can also get banned as Foxguy knows since he has been warned before!|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 24 2003, 06:24 PM|
|Even if it is spamming, it is nevertheless aa interesting idea. But I won't take it up.|
|Posted by: ZOOMANIA Jan 25 2003, 06:29 PM|
| 1.RUN around screaming until someone asks you what you are doing, then say you are practicing if you ever run out of food
2.put a plate of food in your bed, then when someone says why your doing that, say your having breakfast in bed
3.when you are the waiter and the cook of a resteraunt, when some body says that their patatoe's bad, smack the potatoe
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 28 2003, 03:14 PM|
|Argue with someone on the meaning of life|
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 28 2003, 03:20 PM|
| Argue back with someone about the meaning of life
1 Major way to not keep your sanity
does anybody want a kid hes a cute 10 month old ickle boy, who doesn't like to sleep, rips fur from the dog and destroys every magazine in the area...
|Posted by: reginasunrae Jan 28 2003, 10:26 PM|
| Children are a great way to keep a healthy level of insanity! Put the magazines out of reach, the dog outside, make sure anything and everything they can hurt or can hurt them is out of harm's way, and let them have a blast! LOL My little guy climbed up the back of the couch at 10 months old and was attempting to put CDs into the stereo that was mounted high on the wall. Needless to say, that was the end of that stereo!
Now, onto the more serious stuff. My kids have a ton of these!
Go to a store that sells computer equipment (like Staples or Office Depot) and tell them you need a new cable to hook your printer to your computer. When they ask what kind of printer you have, tell them you don't know for sure, but it came with your computer when you bought it in 1989!
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jan 29 2003, 07:37 PM|
| 1. When you're holding a party and there isn't enough mashed potato to go around,
call out, "Hey Cookie! Did you wash your feet before you mashed those potatoes?"
2. Pin up a notice on the notice board that says, "DO NOT READ THIS NOTICE"
3. Use a straw to eat Snickers bars, apples, bananas, chocolate bars, and just about everything for the rest of the day.
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 30 2003, 05:07 PM|
| Children RULE! i'll be happy to take the kids off your hands (just kidding, college in 2 months if I pass my Egyptology class, so far so good)I'm a kid lover, I used to babysit a lot, but now I have to study even if I'm too young for college, still .
The meaning of life is very complex.
|Posted by: ZOOMANIA Jan 30 2003, 07:39 PM|
|whenever somebody says a fact, say, "you ain't whisilling dixie, but i am"|
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 31 2003, 06:22 AM|
|always wear an insane smile.. people will either smile back or walk away scared...|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jan 31 2003, 07:11 AM|
|taunt godsuki of not adding her original "Kiss Kiss" to her posts .|
|Posted by: godzuki Jan 31 2003, 07:39 AM|
|Posted by: ULilsquirt Jan 31 2003, 11:33 AM|
| Im not very good at this but i have played tricks on people
Go to a store and throw confetti at someone who walks in the store and say "congradulations your our 1 millionth guest " turn to someone else and say " tell her/him what they've won and run off.
Go to a pool and yell " im on fire "
go to a pet store stand in front of a cage and say "oh god that (whatever animal is in front of you) Just bit me, Im gonna bleed to death , Save me, Save me"
Go to a blonde and tell her a really funny dumb blonde joke if she laughs tell her " Why did you laugh at yourself ?"
when a telemarketer calls ask him stupid questions like "whats your name?, how old are you ?, Whens your birthday?, Are you ugly?" you no personal questions
Well anyways I don't write alot so I'll write the rest later but I have tried alot of what you all have wrote and the one that got the funniest reaction was the one where you go to a pet store and ask how much it was the guy asked me what color and I said my python likes white it doesn't blend with the green walls of the jungle the guy freaked and called me a rabbit killer oh well. Another one that works is the banana phone ,here is how I did it . I put a banana in my purse and went out to buy a cd ,I gave him 10$ for a 15$ cd when he told me I didn't have enough I said oh let me call my boy freind he'll lend me 5$. I took out the banana and pretend to dial the number and said " hey sweetie can I have 5$ , sweetie ,sweetie, are you there?" I opened the banana from the top and said "oh the batteries are dead guess I can't get the cd " but get this a kid who thought I was hot bought the cd for me and gave it to me at a resturant next to the store.
|Posted by: Snicklfritz Jan 31 2003, 11:49 AM|
I think She means like this: always end your post almost like Godzuki's style:
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 1 2003, 03:06 PM|
| Nope, just a way to mourn godsuki's sudden loss of the much loved Kiss Kiss that is hers.
Hey! You took my banana phone!
|Posted by: WackyPanda Feb 2 2003, 09:13 PM|
| 1. Ask a friend if he'd like to answer one teeny little question. If he agrees, go like this: "In no more than 100 words, describe the meaning of the universe."
2. Carry a Saint Bernard dog in your arms and walk aimlessly down the street. Complain that it's raining cats and dogs, that the Saint Bernard can't walk because it broke its leg falling from the sky, and that you don't care if you break yours on the way to the vet's office.
|Posted by: godzuki Feb 3 2003, 09:28 AM|
| Java tiger
present for you
|Posted by: godzuki Feb 3 2003, 09:29 AM|
| now thats insanity
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 3 2003, 07:48 PM|
|You got that right|
|Posted by: godzuki Feb 4 2003, 03:46 PM|
kiss kiss Java Tiger
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 4 2003, 05:37 PM|
| AHHHHH KISS KISS OVERLOAD GODZUKI MUST RESORT TO SMOOCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heh heh heh!
|Posted by: WackyPanda Feb 4 2003, 08:02 PM|
| Ooh, so a kiss overload means you're gonna explode, eh?
1. Go to the shoe store and ask for a pair of crocodile shoes. If the clerk asks what size, say: "I don't know, I forgot to measure my crocodile before I came!"
2. Go to a beach in the coconut season and mourn for any coconuts that drop into the sea.
3. When you go to a hotel, tell the clerk that they should attach the Gideon Bible to a chain, for fear of theft.
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 6 2003, 02:51 PM|
| Hey! My phone is a miricle worker! I can see a comercial now...
" Buy Java Tiger's patended banana phone. Guaranteed miracle worker."
The kisses overload is insanity! That's a god way to maintain a heathy level of insanity!
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 9 2003, 03:05 PM|
Why a Saint Bernard?
|Posted by: ULilsquirt Feb 9 2003, 05:19 PM|
|Probably because its such a big dog unless it was a puppy puppies are cute|
|Posted by: Orkidgal Feb 9 2003, 05:39 PM|
|Happiness is walking around the mall with a cookie in one hand, and a bottle of metabolife 356 in the other with a sad look on your face. Indulge in the attention.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Feb 10 2003, 07:29 PM|
| What's with the metabolife 356 anyway?
From a book I read, these are the top 10 stupid qoutes of all time. They sounded smart when first said but over the years they became stupid.
#10: "There is no reason for anyone to have a computer in their home." Said by the founder of the Digital Equipment Corporation in 1977
#9: "Airplanes are interesting toys but they have no military value." French military strategist, 1911
#8: "Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances." Dr. Lee De Forest, 1967
#7: "Television will never hold on to any market it captures. People will get tired of staring at a plywood box each night." Head of 20th Century Fox, 1946
#6: "Groups of guitars are on their way out." Decca Records rejecting the Beatles in 1962
#5: For the majority of people, using tobacco has a beneficial effect." Los Angeles surgeon, 1969
#4: "This 'telephone' cannot be seriously considered as a means of communication. It is of no value to us." Western Union Internal Memo, 1876
#3: "The earth is the center of the universe." Ptolemy, 2nd Century
#2: "Nothing of importance happened today." King George III, July the 4th, 1776
And what's Number One, you say? Well, drumroll please...
#1: "Everything than can be invented has been invented." U.S. Commissioner Of Patents, 1899
It's amazing how people can make such big blunders in their speeches, but nobody's perfect.
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 15 2003, 09:19 AM|
|But that's all stupid. Good quotes, though|
|Posted by: reginasunrae Feb 15 2003, 12:41 PM|
| Java Tiger, those aren't 'stupid' at all! It just goes to show how easy it is to be short-sighted about different things, and not realize just how far some things can actually go. Some people just lack imagination, as evidenced by their short-sighted thoughts.
King George III, however, can be an exception here. There was no way he could've known on that day what had transpired in the colonies because it took at least 6 months for correspondence to travel the ocean one-way.
|Posted by: Java Tiger Feb 15 2003, 03:08 PM|
|I meant if you think about what they said, and you know different, its kinda dissagreeable in a way some might find dumb. The relation of the time is just weird. I take back stupid. I was in a bad mood that day anyway.|
|Posted by: Littlemog Apr 24 2003, 02:23 PM|
OR, you could count it all out in pennys, then as you're handing them over, drop them so they go under the counter. Say, 'oh no, I havn't got anymore pennies' and ask for their help.
Then, once you've paid for it all, in sight of the people that were behind you, draw out a £10 note to buy some sweets over the road!
|Posted by: TexasTiger Apr 24 2003, 05:05 PM|
|Go to the dollar store and dare a friend to go ask how much something is......and then hide at the back of the store and say who is that idiot?|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Apr 24 2003, 05:43 PM|
| Oldest trick in the book.
But its a classic.
|Posted by: Mngwa Apr 29 2003, 07:23 PM|
| One of these days when everything is quiet in the office, I'm going to pick up my cellphone, start walking down the hall and stop every three or four steps, saying, "Can you here me now?"
A few years ago, a friend of mine walked into a store wearing a PETA button and asked the clerk to see some alligator leather boots. That drew some strange looks!
|Posted by: WackyPanda Apr 30 2003, 05:34 PM|
| Use a cell phone as the TV remote and the TV remote for a cell phone.
Insist on consecrating a snowball before throwing it at anyone else.
Insist that you must not be seen in public without a rubber duck balanced on your head.
|Posted by: superlion May 1 2003, 08:35 PM|
|Go around asking what is wrong with putting toast in a blender.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda May 4 2003, 04:41 AM|
|Go to a shoe store and ask for some large alligator shoes. Say that it's for your alligators birthday present.|
|Posted by: CandyCane101 May 4 2003, 06:19 AM|
|Go to a farm and ask the chickens if they like chiken nuggets, cows if they like hamburgers, and pigs if they like pork. Then count all the people who look at you . I played this with my friends i won cause i stood up and yelled at the chicken because it wouldnt answer me then i chased it around and ran into a cow... I didnt meen to run into the cow owwww|
|Posted by: WackyPanda May 5 2003, 01:07 AM|
|Buy a packet of animal crackers. Return it the next day and say you're returning it because the seal was broken.|
|Posted by: TexasTiger May 24 2003, 04:41 PM|
| Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ask people what gender they are.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Blow your nose when some one is eating.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Name your dog "Dog."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Fun things to do in an elevator
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Meow after every 5 floors.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your hanky to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up all of you just shut UP!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Brushed your teeth ?!"
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
One word: Flatulence!
Do some karate exercises.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Bring a chair along.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
you doctors: DO NOT Say these during an operation!!
- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
- Hand me that... uh... whatever it's called !
- Oh no! I just lost my watch.
- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
- There go the lights again...
- Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.
- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.
- What's this doing here?
- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
-You sure it wasn't this leg?
- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
- Are his relatives waiting outside?
- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
- What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!
- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
- This scissor looks rusted.
- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
- Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?
- Now from where did this spider come in from.
|Posted by: WackyPanda May 26 2003, 01:31 AM|
| Office Insanity:
>ONE-POINT OFFICE INSANITY
>1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
>2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
>3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say,
>"Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
>4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
>5) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper
>"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
>6) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
>"Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
>7) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
>8) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors
>1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
>2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all
>that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
>3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
>4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle
>5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
>FIVE POINT INSANITY
>1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
>conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
actually launch into it yourself).
>2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with
>growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
>3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
>4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a
>! 5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As
>"The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
>6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
>7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
>8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As every one here as my
>witness, I'll never go hungry again."
>9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights."
>(Extra points if it is a male, even more if he is your boss)
>10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You wanna
>11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do
>hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
>12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk
>13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a!
>for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
>14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very
>important conference call.
>15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk
>16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your
>and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
>17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smashing
>each biscuit with your fist.
>18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the
>19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting
>attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life
Research has shown that in order to maintain a healthy level of insanity, you need to get at least 50 insanity points per day.
|Posted by: JordanMK May 31 2003, 11:47 AM|
|Try touring the country in a black beret wearing fake facial hair telling people that being normal is wrong.|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jun 3 2003, 03:40 PM|
| School Insanity(add your own)
1) On the last week, go to the wrong locker and try your combination for a while. Then if someone asks why, say I've been at th wrong one all this time?!
2)Say 'its there" if a teacher catchs you with something
3) if your worst enemy asks to copy your history notes, give him the ones that are the unit you did last time.
4) learn sign lanuage and sign in class
5) learn Morse code and tap messages to your friends in the room across the hall
6)ask your science teacher if you can swallow your toungue
7) Make a record of all things teachers try to do like the students
I can't think of anythng else
|Posted by: Max Jun 3 2003, 07:36 PM|
| I loved to do this. These are if you ride a school bus
1. Ignore the driver when they say good morning or good evening or have a nice day.
2. On the day you have homework from every book "accedentally" drop your back pack on the drivers foot(works best if they're wearing sandals)
3. When the drivers says good morning or good evening say to them in a attitude maybe for you.
4. When it gets really loud and the driver says no talking for the rest of the ride yell BOO as soon as they sit down and blame it on some one closer to the front or farther in the back.
5. When getting off if you know the driver is going to stand up when you pass by drag your ankle and trip them.
6. Never smile at the driver.
Thats all I have at the moment
|Posted by: Penguino Jun 3 2003, 10:35 PM|
| WP thought of these two (nothing to do with school, though)
Crazy things to do in an escalator
1. Ride an escalator up and down and up and down. When someone inquires, tell them you're exercising.
2. Carrying a briefcase and wearing a messy tie and a wrongly buttoned suit, run up the down escalator, (or vise versa) all the while exclaming "I'm late! I'm late!"
|Posted by: stormcub Jun 3 2003, 10:47 PM|
| LOL, Penguino, good ones!
Run around town saying 'motorcar' and see how many people give you funny looks
This one works. You'd be surprised how many people will think you're insane
|Posted by: Alpha Raptor Jun 5 2003, 11:09 AM|
| In real life conversations, don't laugh, just type LOL LOL LOL
Put .com after every sentence you type on a word processer.com
At Halloween, you give out viruses instead of candy.
|Posted by: Dolphinlover26 Jun 8 2003, 08:39 AM|
| Go to a shoe store and ask for a burger. (That's from Captain Underpants. I think that's what they said.)
|Posted by: Zapa52 Jun 11 2003, 03:43 PM|
| one way to stay insane is to jump over the grand canyon with a sponge singing mary had a little lamb
|Posted by: Eagle One Jun 11 2003, 07:46 PM|
| Start singing disney toons
|Posted by: Max Jun 11 2003, 08:48 PM|
|Walk around with a big dog while calling the dog "Cujo" the reactions from adults are hilarious|
|Posted by: LAwebTek Jun 12 2003, 08:30 PM|
|Gotta love my Mom, she got me doing this, but it never fails to be hilarious. Go up to the drive through at Burger King or somewhere and order a milkshake - hold the pickles. I love the responses I get. One worker thought I was ordering a shake and some type of burger and thought there was something wrong with the drive through microphone. The best though was when i got the disgruntled idiot who literally yelled at me "We don't put pickles in OUR milkshakes!" To which I could not help but respond, "well why not, doesn't everybody?!?"|
|Posted by: pengin Jun 15 2003, 06:34 PM|
| If you win a contest on your local radio station, insist you didn't, shout curse words at teh DJ, and hang up on him/her. If there is someone elso in the room, hold your head and say, "Teh stuid telemarketers, **** them!"
When you are in the car, tune into the passenger's favorite radio station, then "accidentally" hit the button preset for the oldies country station.
At random points durring a meeting, pull out your cell phone, pretending that it is on vibrating ring, and say "sorry, I guess I answered the wrong telephone.
Wear a clip-on tie on a t-shirt, and then say that you need to dress "semi-casually, semi-formally" for the event tonight to whoever questions.
Put an empty pocket protector in your pocked and claim you have "Invisible pens".
Yell "I am NOT going to, kieth!" at all ladies who pass by.
Pretend to fumble with a floppy disk while trying to put it it your walkman, then say "whoops", and look embarresed.
NOTE: YOU MUST BE WEARING A WATCH! Go to the jewelery section, pick and identical wathch to the one you're wearing, and ask rushedly for the fitting room.
Pretend to go to the bathroom in a fitting room stall. Bonuses if you make grunting noises and drop something (e.g. canteloupe) onto the stall floor (for sound effects.)
more bonus if you use fake crap on the floor.
Wear 2 ties.
While doing boring HW, or office work, take a bathroom break every 5 minutes. If you smoke, Say you are taking a cigarette break. During this time take a trip to teh mall.
At random times during a meeting, (bonus if speaker is a man) say pardon me ma'am?
If someone walkes into your office, say "shh... I'm on air" then start announcing as if you were a DJ at 'Today's Midevel(sp?) music station.
Carry around a box of "type-R" stickers. Every time sou spot a buick, stick one on it's rear end.
all for now.
I'll think of more...
|Posted by: montanawildlife Jun 16 2003, 10:10 AM|
|Go to KMart, walk to the Blue Light special jump up n down screaming I won ! I won!|
|Posted by: nornironer Jun 16 2003, 10:47 AM|
|go into town and yell out in a deep russian accent, "My dog's body has fallen off, give me church bagels!"|
|Posted by: Catfish Charlie Jun 16 2003, 11:02 AM|
| In a crowded restaurant, carry on a "conversation" just loud enough for others to hear, but quiet enough that they think they aren't suppoed to. Good subjects;
"...so then the ice pick I was using breaks off in his chest, so I said to him, 'That's great, now what am I supposed to kill you with?'"
"...No, no, he said Camp David. No, I'm not supposed to tell anyone but I figured I can trust you."
"Listen, I'm only going to say this one more time. It's the full twenty thousand or they never see her again."
Use your imagination, there are limitless possibilities. It usually helps if the restaurant is fairly nice and you are dressed for the part.
|Posted by: nornironer Jun 16 2003, 11:50 PM|
|Catfish those are funny but i hope you are not trying to get anyone arrested under suspicion of treason. Readers of this topic do Catfish's suggestion if you want but try stay clear of topics like the government or your local monarchy, you don't want the police raiding any classy restauraunts.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jun 17 2003, 02:23 AM|
|Call someone and ask for their phone number because you forgot.|
|Posted by: Catfish Charlie Jun 17 2003, 03:16 AM|
|Naturally, Nornironer, I would hope people would not do most of these things because they are, after all, insane. That is the point of this thread. Of course I do not condone anyone doing anything stupid, dangerous, illegal, or insane. Nutty, maybe, but not insane.|
|Posted by: Max Jun 17 2003, 07:42 AM|
| My brother did the ice pick one when we were in a Wendy's it turned out one table down were four off-duty police officers, who overheard, that didn't go to well for him, my brother finally explained to them it was a joke and the officers told him to cut it out and then let us go home (It was all my brothers fault, he isn't to bright)
Go to a restraunt, then whisper a name or something in someones ear make them pretend to not hear you, stand up and then turn it into a shouting match
|Posted by: TexasTiger Jun 18 2003, 05:48 PM|
| Another dollar store one!
Go and ask if they arent lying on the sign that says "Everything 1 dollar."
when they say yes, say, "Ok, I want everything. heres my dollar."
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jun 22 2003, 02:05 AM|
| Dollar Store Insanity:
Ask everyone you meet if they sell dollars in a dollar store because you really need a million dollars, and fast.
Ask the manager of the dollar store if you can conduct a price check on the items in the store.
Slap a sticker labelled $1.01 on an item and complain that they lied on the "Everything 1 dollar".
|Posted by: Max Jun 23 2003, 03:45 PM|
| this works better with young people
Go into a big store (walmart for example) and ask someone to take you to the other side of the store and all the way there say "are we there yet, are we there yet..."
My sister did this to me while I was at work she was driving me crazy
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jul 3 2003, 02:04 AM|
|Make a snowman with a bunch of burning matchsticks for the nose.|
|Posted by: Java Tiger Jul 3 2003, 10:14 AM|
|Put the air conditioner and open the window.|
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 5 2003, 09:22 AM|
| Run around in an Arwen costume screaming for Aragorn.
Dress up in a Gollum costume, put on a ring, and huddle in the back of a crowded place muttering, "My preciousssss...."
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 5 2003, 09:27 AM|
| Eat a dude in a hamster costume while saying, "HAMTARO MUST DIE!!!!!"
Walk around and do everyday things. Dressed up like Gandalf.
Say "Je deteste la forchette!!!" (I hate the fork!!!) to every fork you see.
When you see someone you hate, make your face as expressionless as possible and say "Ich sehe dich. Ich werde dich essen." (I see you. I will eat you.) in their face. Then walk away silently.
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 5 2003, 09:29 AM|
|Point to someone you like with an expressionless face and say, "Ich sehe dich. Ich werde dich essen." in their face. Then walk away silently.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jul 7 2003, 01:31 AM|
| Every time someone asks you to do something, put on a pair of sunglasses and reply in a monotonic voice, "My database does not encompass the dynamics of (whatever it is they're asking you to do)"
Look at someone through a set of binoculars and shout, "I've discovered a new star!!!"
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 7 2003, 04:30 AM|
|Laugh hysterically to everything said to you.|
|Posted by: Littlemog Jul 7 2003, 07:01 AM|
| Play with words. If someone says 'How are you' say:
How? Hooow-wuh. Huh-ooow-uh. Hehehe. Arrr. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Arrrrr-uh. Yoooouuuu. ooooh....etc.
Exaggerate the end of words. Like a kid when they yell 'I'm telling-gggggguh!' or 'Ooowww-wuh!'
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 7 2003, 10:08 AM|
| Dress up like a boy/girl for Halloween.
Dress up like a tax collecter every day.
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jul 8 2003, 02:28 AM|
| Eat soup with a fork whenever somebody's watching.
Ask someone for the recipe for making cookie-flavoured biscuits.
Attempt to eat a banana without peeling it first. Then, when people stare at you, yell at them, "These things don't come with an instruction manual!!!"
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 8 2003, 06:08 PM|
| Umm.....Uhhhhhh.......SYSTEM.......OVERLOAD........ *Kabvloooooie*
(I ran out of ideas!!!!)
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jul 9 2003, 02:07 AM|
|At a public pay phone, try to dial without paying, and then yell at the phone. If people ask you why, say, "You believe in free speech, don't you?"|
|Posted by: JordanMK Jul 9 2003, 08:02 AM|
|Listen to at least 2 hours of Weird Al Yankovic music everyday. (I actually do this while I'm on the computer and I have a wonderfully healthy level of insanity.)|
|Posted by: Cher_the_Dog Jul 9 2003, 11:24 AM|
| Make BZSHEWW! BZSHEWW! BZSHEWW! sounds as you write.
Sing CHer lyrics in public.
|Posted by: Perfect_Chaos Jul 9 2003, 11:59 AM|
|Run around in you neighborhood shouting "I'm ready!!!"|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jul 10 2003, 02:10 AM|
| Stare at a clump of dirt and mumble, "Ahh, the beuaty of the clump of dirt..."
As you flush the toilet, make gurgling noises and yell, "AARRGHH!!! I'm being sucked into the toilet bowl!!!"
If there's no more regular coffee left for your morning fix, opt for two cups of decaf.
|Posted by: Iguanadon123 Jul 21 2003, 09:37 AM|
|Hang out with my family for mor than 1 hour|
|Posted by: TexasTiger Jul 21 2003, 11:45 AM|
|When company comes, run, screaming, out of the bathroom. Go into another room, and come out wearing a gas mask and weilding a super large can of Lyscol!!|
|Posted by: killer_odd_sock Jul 21 2003, 10:05 PM|
|These are sooo funny!|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Jul 22 2003, 01:36 AM|
|Wear fake vampire fangs and a black coat and prowl around the neighborhood on a full moon. Make sure it's not Halloween...|
|Posted by: fisherman1313 Jul 22 2003, 09:52 AM|
| At a Chinese restaraunt when someone asked me why I was picking all the bell pepper out of my sweet-&-sour pork and the peas from my fried rice I told them it was because I'm allergic to the color green. When, in fact, I just don't like peas and bell peppers.
When someone asks you a question, always reply, "No thanks, I don't smoke."
If someone asks if you have change for a $20 (or larger), hold out a hand full of change and reach for the bill. Then say, "You should have asked for exact change."
Go to a store and pretend you work there. When someone says, "Can you help me?" Respond with a resounding "NO" Then if they threaten to get the manager tell them to go ahead "even if you can find him, he won't do anything." Then wait for them to come back and watch the expresion on thier face when the mgr tells them you don't work there.
|Posted by: mechazoo Jul 27 2003, 08:27 AM|
| This ones good: When in an elevtaor and you hear music hum to it and look at the guy next to. When he looks over to you look away from then look at him and wave with a smile. Repeat till he 1. walks away from you. 2. asks you to stop or 3. does both of that.
and the second one go to the mall with your mom (shivers)
|Posted by: Supercrochunter Jul 27 2003, 08:32 AM|
| Repeativly quote Homer Simpson:
Why you little....(choke bart)
Have you seen that Blue man group, there a rip off of the smirfs. And the smirfs they suck!!(falls over drunk)
I do that all the time(except without the choking and the alcohol poisoning)
|Posted by: turkeyfox Sep 9 2003, 05:21 PM|
|Turn into this guy -->|
|Posted by: Coeur de lion Sep 10 2003, 12:21 PM|
| My friend had a call one day from a telsales person offering landscaping after half hour where my friend had got the full works you know rockery pond two tier effect nice lawn evrything in the package he ended the conversation with "its amazing what you can do for a first floor flat" the guy quickly huing up
another thing when Jahova witnesses call at your door when you ask if they believe in ritual sacrifices
(no offence to any jahova witnesses)
|Posted by: WackyPanda Sep 10 2003, 03:58 PM|
|Run through the streets yelling, "THE CHEESES ARE COMING!!!!!"|
|Posted by: jazzpupjen13 Oct 15 2003, 03:49 PM|
|go into a dressing room and yell: "There's no toilet paper in here!"|
|Posted by: Sahara22588 Oct 15 2003, 04:20 PM|
| Here's some great stuff to do while in a public bathroom;
1. While making loud grunting noises, drop a melon into the toilet bowl, then sigh loudly.
2. Spread peanut butter on a piece of toilet paper and 'accidently' drop it under the stall wall. Ask your neighbor to kick it back over cuz you're not done with it.
3. Fill a squirtbottle with Mountain Dew, then while in the stall, spray it out the door, top, and under the sides while shouting "whoa, easy boy!'
4. Adjust a mirror so that you can see your neighbor. Say 'peek a boo, i see you!'
5. After a five minute grunting session, turn and look into the bowl while announcing "hmmm, more sinkers then floaters."
6. Remove all the toilet paper from the other stalls and horde them into your stall. Leave the door open so everyone knows you have all the tp. When they ask for some, say "no! they're mine, my own, my precious..." in your creepiest voice.
7. Throw a D-cup bra over the door of the stall and sing "Born Free".
Here's things that will definatley annoy your local pizza place;
1. When they answer the phone, say "Hello" and then pause as if they had called you.
2. Sing your order to the tune of your favorite heavy metal song.
3. Pronounce pepperoni with a long 'I' sound.
4. Say your whole order in one sentance.
5. While ordering, slowly pull the phone away from your mouth. When they ask if that's all you want, put it back to your face and scream "THAT'S ALL I WANT!"
6. When you call, ask for a menu.
7. Ask if the box is digestible.
8. Ask if human flesh is one of the toppings, and how much extra it costs.
9. When they ask for your phone number or address, give them the number or address of their restaurante. See of they notice.
10. Attempt to order Chinese takeout.
11. Order in Italian. When they ask for English, throw a fit because they aren't actual Italians and say they're a disgrace to Italian food.
That's all the ones I know. Bye Byez...!
|Posted by: flamethrower Oct 15 2003, 05:10 PM|
|Go home, trip on the door, eat your mattress, obey your toys, make a peanut-butter and Jelly sandwich for them, open your door and line it up with your wall, swing your door shut and run into the wall behind it while pulling the door behind you.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Oct 16 2003, 02:24 AM|
| I actually did this one:
Stare at a perfectly blank piece of paper and marvel at the beauty of the trees, the mountains, etc. as if it was the most beautiful painting in the world. (the effect is even better if you gang up with a friend) If anyone asks what you are doing, show him the imaginary painting, and tell him how beautiful it is. If your victim insists that he can't see a thing, point at the paper and ask him if he's blind.
|Posted by: wolfs_angel Oct 16 2003, 03:52 AM|
|Go up to a very tired looking cashier and after she has rung up all your items rummage through your purse (or wallet) and get a worried look on your face as you ask in all seriousness "Do you take cash?" Most of the time, they will actually start to ask someone else if they accept cash before they realize that you're just weird|
|Posted by: Babysealz010 Oct 18 2003, 02:15 PM|
|Get a job at a dollar store and when you ring up and item say "Can I get a price check?" over the intercom|
|Posted by: Xtreme Oct 18 2003, 02:36 PM|
| On Halloween, don't dress up as anything, and go trick-o-treating. When someone answers the door and asked why your not dressed up, say "I am, I'm dressed up as myself."
Best I could think of.
|Posted by: Cathy Oct 18 2003, 09:40 PM|
|Some people did that to me, and it was so lame.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Oct 18 2003, 09:44 PM|
|Put a toilet bowl in the middle of the road and sit on it.|
|Posted by: Cathy Oct 21 2003, 07:24 PM|
19 At a pet store ask if they have a bulk discount of gerbils, and whether there is much meat on them
So do I!!! :
|Posted by: danny1233 Oct 21 2003, 10:19 PM|
| Ok, I'm horrible at keeping a healthy level of insanity.. so.. I"ll TRY my best...
Look at a "Greetings from California" or something postcard.. (I own one... I just thought of it), and wonder to yourself why there isn't a hello! greeting.
|Posted by: WackyPanda Oct 22 2003, 12:50 AM|
|Mummify yourself in TP and prowl around the museum.|
|Posted by: caribou_caro Oct 22 2003, 10:49 AM|
|Order food at a drive-thru and be sure to ask "Can I get that to go?"|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Oct 23 2003, 04:13 PM|
|Put a hot dog on a leash and take it for a walk.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Oct 24 2003, 04:45 PM|
| Go to the part of the store where they sell frying pans. Look into one of them and say, "WHAT!? They printed my picture on a frying pan! This is a grave insult! I'll sue!!!"
Say "Come in" whenever someone knocks on the bathroom door.
|Posted by: CDZ Oct 26 2003, 02:50 PM|
| 1. Eat 4455354435 pounds of meatloaf
2. Hop for 5 months
3. Be a ninja with hands
|Posted by: dinwrest Oct 26 2003, 05:21 PM|
| my friend had a whole list of stuff to do here's what I remember
1. go to a security camera and start dancing and get your friends to sing
2.go in to a restaraunt sit down and wait for atleast twice some to ask how your doing and start crying and wait for a store keeper to come and when he asks what's wrong yell "WON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!"
3. go into a changing room (like one of those stalls) and yell "HEY I RAN OUT TOILET PAPER"
4. label a video that has your brother or sisters most emmbarassing moments 'Best Movie Ever' and watch it at a big party
5. dress up as a vampire at christmas and say "just practicing" when anyone looks at you
6. (must have thorough knowledge of spanish) go to a chinese restaraunt and when ordering start ordering in spanish
7. stick a black horse in a petting zoo and label it 'Kelpie'
8. when ever some one's having a conversation with out you pop your head in a and say cheese
Ones I got from animorph's books
1. run around in circles yelling "CONTROLLERS"
2. go into the janetor's closet with a friend and try doing the thing to open the yeerk pool
3. start sayying stuff like hu-ow hu-ow-uh then claim you just got to earth
4. when someone who likes animaorphs stare at the person your hiding behind start laughing evilly like visser 3
|Posted by: jazzpupjen13 Dec 6 2003, 05:49 PM|
|when in a crowd, start singing the twilight zone theme.|
|Posted by: Candy_Spots04 Dec 6 2003, 06:54 PM|
| Here's Some (hopefully they're not too gross)
Go into a public restrooom like at the Mall or something and do this
Take a marble and drop it in the toilet and say really loudlly: Uh oh my glass Eye
This is my favorite
Sit on the toilet and grunt and maon and then drop a large fruit like a cantaloupe (like you randomly care large fruit with you ) into the water and then let out a sigh of relif
|Posted by: Supercrochunter Dec 6 2003, 07:10 PM|
| When ever I fall asleep in class and someone wakes me up, I say
"I didn't sell secerts to the reds, you got nothing"
"They even call me insane...why...because I dream to create a race atomic super men, ha ha ha!"
|Posted by: citybuilder9 Dec 6 2003, 07:50 PM|
|This works well if you live with your parents (yes I've done this) When a telemarketer calls and asks for your parents, say 'just a minute', then take the phone and hand it to yourself and scream loudly into it and hang up before they can say anything.|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Dec 6 2003, 09:20 PM|
|Sing, "The Great and Wonderful Me" in a public place (By the way, you make up the lyrics)|
|Posted by: Xtreme Dec 6 2003, 09:22 PM|
|When checking a persons teeth, say "There's something growing in there!"|
|Posted by: WackyPanda Dec 8 2003, 04:30 PM|
|Go into the restroom at the mall. Smear stones of varying sizes in peanut butter and roll them under the door when someone walks past.|
|Posted by: Unicornz Dec 11 2003, 06:05 PM|
|Leave a trail of orange juice leading to the restrooms|
|Posted by: Island087 Dec 11 2003, 06:31 PM|
|Great and shake everyones hand as they get on and off the elevator.|
|Posted by: Necrotizing Spectre Dec 12 2003, 01:43 PM|
| Want to keep a healthy level of insanity? RP with me
Want to keep an unhealthy level of insanity? Watch me play Kingdom Hearts. (I'm merciless in that game)
Okay, Okay. Here's some Me and my friends Rip and Trinity have tried.
1. Go to a museum and stare at a blank wall.
2. Go to the mall and yell, "I hope I'm not bothering any of you, but I'm taking over the world" (I didn't do this, Rip almost did)
3. (If you're a middle schooler like I am) Stand on a table and yell quotes from "Invader Zim"
4. Sing an annoying song. My faves are Fish Heads, The Anvil Song, The Lake Titicaca Song, Yeah Toast, and They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha Ha
5. Randomly do the robot
6. (You'll need a replica weapon to do this, I have a friend who has an uncle who can make replica weapons. I might try this with a replica Keyblade . I used a staff based off of one my illusionist character has) Claim you own everyone and that they must grovel at your feet or face the monkey.
I have a lot more, but I'll let other people give their ideas.
|Posted by: WackyPanda Dec 12 2003, 05:46 PM|
| Walk around under the afternoon sun with a very warm jacket on. If anyone asks whether you feel hot, ask them why everyone you met asked you that question. (I've done that before)
Make very loud snoring sounds in the theatre.
Imitate a cell phone ring tone when in a "No Cell Phones" area.
|Posted by: Unicornz Dec 12 2003, 06:17 PM|
|at the movie theater, throw popcorn in the air and yell "ITS SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"|
|Posted by: Necrotizing Spectre Dec 12 2003, 06:21 PM|
|Here's another one. Dress in rattty clothing, sit on a crate on a busy street, and talk into a banana like a cellphone. When someone asks what you're doing, say "Shh! I'm talking to God."|
|Posted by: Unicornz Dec 12 2003, 07:00 PM|
|When someone comes over for dinner, challenge him/her to a sword fight with spoons|
|Posted by: grey3098 Dec 12 2003, 07:19 PM|
|Every time somebody takes a bath, say at the top of your lungs: Did you use soap??|
|Posted by: Unicornz Dec 13 2003, 07:03 PM|
|In a restraunt that you really dont like, yell "It's a RAT!!!!!!!!!"|
|Posted by: citybuilder9 Dec 13 2003, 07:16 PM|
|That would be great at my least favorite restraunt, Cheddar's . But I'm more of a dissin' telemarketers type of guy.|
|Posted by: Unicornz Dec 13 2003, 07:28 PM|
| That reminds me...
Randomly call people and say "Is your refrigerator running?"
When they say yes say "You'd better go catch it!" and then hang up
|Posted by: WackyPanda Dec 13 2003, 11:15 PM|
That reminds me...
And if they say that they don't have a refrigerator, sigh deeply and say, "It must have gotten the drop on you when you were sleeping!!!"
|Posted by: Unicornz Dec 14 2003, 05:23 PM|
|When you get a pizza delivered, ask the delivery guy, "Is this the one I ordered two years ago?"|
|Posted by: Necrotizing Spectre Dec 19 2003, 03:53 PM|
| Other pizza boy tortures...
*Ask if you can keep the box, when he answers yes, act relieved
*Hug the pizza boy and ask, "Where have you been all my life?"
*Take the pizza and yell into your house, "Okay guys! On with the world domination scheme!"
*Take the pizza, hold it close to you, and growl threateningly
*Poke through the pizza (while the pizza boy is there) When he asks what you're doing, say "Searching for tracking devices"
*Marvel over the carrier that keeps the pizza hot.
I hope you find these useful/funny!