Hear the Pictures and Not the Words
To my surprise, he said, "Nothing."
"Really?" I asked. "Not even a story or anything?"
"Nope. I just like how it sounds. Why? What do you see?"
It still surprises me whenever I come across others who can be appreciating the same work before us but seeing nothing at all. It never really occurred to me until after college that others might only hear the sound or see the word, the notes, or the colors.
I still remember a conversation several years back where several coworkers were debating whether thought was organized based on what language one spoke. "Of course not," I wanted to say, "Otherwise what would you be thinking as a child before you knew any language?" But the debate simply moved towards whether children had any real thoughts...[More]
Some Inspiration From the Past
Sometimes I forget my frustrations, but every once in a while something like this shows up and just really tests my patience with myself:
http://all-things-andy-gavin.com/2011/02/10/crash-bandicoot-as-a-startup/
Besides the fact I use to play those games when I was younger, being able to form a team and produce something on that scale was something I've always dreamed of doing. It's tough finding finding people of equal or better calibur though and even tougher to find those who share similar ambitions and drive. Like the author, I also learned most of my programming myself (home-brewed), so it's really hard to relate to colleagues who otherwise...[More]
Void
I can't help feeling similar to Jonathan Shields in "The Bad and the Beautiful" (1952). It has haunted me ever since I watched it two years ago for a film class. Of course, I will never betray anyone for any means, but like Shields, once a project or goal is finished, I don't feel satisfied at all. Instead, I feel anguish and longing - like I have just lost purpose and have suddenly been reduced to nothing. I can be anything and do anything, but once I stop, I sink away into the shadows.
It is not as if I pursue a goal or task because I enjoy it either. It...[More]
Juggling Dreams
Sometimes you feel unstoppable, great, as if the world is only beginning, and you are at the center of it all. You get ideas, schemes that you never dared consider before, and now that you have, you feel obligated to pursue them, to drive them as far as you possibly can. At first you're not sure if you're up to the task; the first step looks hard and difficult. Then you toss in the first challenge, the first dream, and then the second, and then the third.
Pretty soon, you're not only tossing and catching all three, you are actually juggling. You can juggle two at a time, worry about the third later. Or you can juggle all three at once, perhaps without even breaking a sweat. Over time, you get better; you've gone far beyond anything you ever hoped to do, juggling three when at first you dared not even juggle one. You're ready for more; you want a challenge.
And so you throw in the…[More]
Why Not to Concentrate
Yet that moment sparked a curious interest in me. It made me realize that concentration, such as the concentration of all that pain in my toe, was not a good thing. When one is trapped in a cell, concentrated in a small space, he is not happy. When one is told how and what to think, to concentrate and narrow his mind, he is not happy. Even in politics, concentration is not a good thing; Americans don’t like concentration of power. Concentration means communism, dictatorship - all the things we fought to eliminate in past wars. Just...[More]
Open Doors
Ambitious Perfection
I am also a perfectionist. I attain to every niche and detail of all that I do. If it holds but a single flaw, it must be fixed, redone, or scrapped from existence. My tolerance for the world is high, just not for myself. Everything I do must meet my expectations. No. Everything I do must exceed my expectations, must breathe and echo success.
Life is Like a Mountain Climb
In my climb towards the summit, my goals have often centered about fields of which I am familiar, with my satisfaction being the chance to prove myself and fully exercise my potential. By focusing my goals and opportunities, I build on what I do best, expanding my base of skills and allowing each consecutive goal to lead to the success of the next. While I may not always reach the...[More]
The World At Hand
Upon reaching adulthood, these same individuals only double their attitudes; their issues remain more or less of the same importance. Ownership can no longer be resolved in small quarrels;...[More]
Passing of Times
Five Fingers
In broad daylight, it was easy to see that he held up all five fingers; whether he held them intentionally or he simply waved his entire hand carelessly, it was not clear. It did not matter what answer was given or if any was given to him at all. If I suggested five, he would merely insist the thumb was not a finger; if I suggested four, he would say otherwise. If I did not answer or I answered wrong, I'd just be blind.
Sometimes people forget that I was once able to see just as well as any of them. When much younger and not ruined by misadvice and overwork, not being able to see was unheard of; it was inconceivable. Warned as we were, told to be on the watch for any signs of blur or fatigue, none of us could imagine the seemingly distant notion actually becoming reality. Seeing was a divine right, an...[More]
Pining Over Apples
How wrong it was. With a heavy thud, it crashed and rolled about the tabletop, helpless on its side, rolling hopelessly without an end. With a simple plunge of the knife, blade delving deep, the coat was split. Restrained by nothing more than my bare hands, the leafy blades...[More]
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